During my friend's oldest daughter's baptism, a bunch of us went...i kinda had to go, seeing that i was the godfather (yeah, i still don't know what they were thinking with THAT one LOL)...

...what i found funny is we all got shit-faced the night before...so our whole dam pew smelled like beer, ciggs, and dirty clothes! LOL but anyway...

...we're sitting there...and suddenly it's time for everyone to get their free cracker and shot of wine....what's it called, communion? oh well...so I'm just sitting there cuz that's not really my gig and all...and started thinking.

You know, this communion is bullshit. i mean...what do they give you...a cracker and a little bitty glass of wine?? hell, it's not even a GOOD cracker, like a saltine or goldfish or something badass like that. it's just some little, bland chunk of dried bread. that sucks! i want some flavor! they should at least give you some peanut butter and jelly spread or something!

so i started thinking...wonder how they'd feel about me bringing in my OWN toppings for the cracker? LOL just, right before homeboy slaps that cracker in my mouth, be all "hold up" and hit that bad boy with a shot of cheese wiz before eating it! LOL i'd love to see the preachers face when i bust THAT one out!

and just ONE cracker? how am i suppose to get full on that?? I've been sitting here all morning, least you can do is let me have seconds. that's bullshit. they should step it up and start handing out sandwiches! and something more then a shot of wine. how am i suppose to get a buzz off that?? yo preach, don't get me started and make me walk away..hit me with dat shit again!

Yeah, i know, the whole thing is based on something Jesus did with the apostles or something. i tell ya...I'd be pissed if i was there. I'm sitting here having dinner with GOD and he bust out a loaf of bread for us to share?? That's it? that's all we got? come on..you're GOD. you should be all, "this is my body" and bust out some badass 40 foot long loaded hoagie!! that's what I'M talking about! at least a big chunk of ham or something! how awesome would it be to go into Church, go up front for communion, and homeboy hands you a big ass ham and cheese sandwich! THAT'S what I'm talking about preach! don't be holding back....give me my ham sandwich and a bottle of MD40/40...and I'll sit here all day listening to you!