So I was out at our local favorite bar last night. having a good time. drinking some beers. It was my cousin’s fiancé’s going away party (she’s shipping out to Iraq for 6 months) so EVERYONE is there.

Anyway…about halfway into the night..one of the women’s bathrooms breaks. So one of the girls with us “REEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLY” has to go…so she bolts into one of the two men’s bathrooms to do the deed. She asks me to watch the door…cool, no prob. A couple of cats come up, I tell them whats up, “women’s bathroom is broke, there’s a chick in here…blah blah blah.” Everyone’s cool. well..ALMOST everyone...

So this drunk fucker stumbles up, tries to push by me, and I tell him the deal.

“FUCK that! This is the MENS bathroom!”
“I know it is, Hoss. Go use the other one…it’s RIGHT there.”
“I should be able to use THIS one cuz I’m a fucking MAN …”
“barely”
“….and I’m going in!”

And with that, he tries to get by me and pushes the door open.

OPPS.

now. As I saw this going south… I came up with a plan :D in my left hand is my empty beer bottle…and I decide that I’m going to break this over his melon! Fucking HOLLYWOOD style baby! Pretty excited about this, cuz I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do that!

I reach back, grab him by the throat, and slam him into the nearest wall and a lay into the side of his dome with my trusty Miller Lite bottle.

DOINK!!

WTF!! NOTHING!! It just bounce off his head!!

“FUCK!”

I chunk the bottle in disgust and end up having to “old school” it with a couple knuckles plowed into his eye. :(

people jump in…do the standard “it’s cool! It’s cool!” shit…but it’s NOT cool! The fucking movies LIED to me, man! That fucking beer bottle was supposed to shatter spectacularly into a million-zillion pieces as soon as smashed it into his skull!!

What a fucking LET DOWN!